WELLINGTON COUNTY – Have you ever found yourself awake at 3am with your mind racing about the past or future?
When we find ourselves up against battles of the mind such as this, it can feel impossible to stop the stream of thinking – let alone being able to get back to sleep! This challenge can be cyclical in nature, as lack of sleep can have an impact on our well-being.
Today, I’m going to explain how acceptance can transform your relationship with your mind and improve your mental health.
Our minds were designed to help us make sense of our experiences to help us find a solution. Unfortunately, although the mind’s intention is to be helpful, it sometimes behaves in an unhelpful way.
When unhelpful thoughts have total control of our attention, we can have an emotional response such as fear which signals to our body that we are at eminent risk of harm.
The mind is very convincing that we must pay full attention to unhelpful thinking to keep us safe.
When we live in this place of high alert, it can cause a tremendous amount of emotional suffering that impacts our quality of life.
Acceptance is the other route we can choose.
Here’s how.
First, take notice and acknowledge what is showing up. We can say to ourselves: “I notice I’m having a thought about something that happened 10 years ago” or “I notice that I’m having a thought about my to-do list for tomorrow.”
Experiment with this to see how noticing and naming thoughts changes your relationship with them. Does this noticing allow you to separate yourself from your thoughts? This is what we want! The purpose here is to become an observer of our thoughts rather than passively following them or getting into a heated debate with them.
By becoming an observer of our thoughts we are choosing acceptance – acceptance that we are human, and our human mind is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
Getting angry at ourselves for having unhelpful thoughts or trying to think positive thoughts to drown out the unhelpful ones can turn into a battle. Disconnect yourself from the battle through acceptance and practice some self-compassion.
Self-compassion in a nutshell is acknowledging your pain and responding with kindness. In this case, we acknowledge the emotional pain our thoughts are causing.
We can be kind by reminding ourselves that our mind is operating like it was designed to – we are human after all!
A tangible way to do this is to thank our mind. Try it by saying “thank you mind. I know you’re just trying to help. And I’ve got this under control.” If thoughts arise again, repeat thanking the mind.
Acceptance also reminds us that there aren’t always solutions to every problem. Knowing this is a helpful reminder because we can disconnect ourselves from unhelpful thoughts from this perspective. If it is beyond our control, this is where acceptance can be applied. We accept that we do not have the power to make the outcomes any different.
Try asking yourself, “is this in my control?” If it is in your control, you can begin taking small steps to address it. If it’s beyond your control, then this is where acceptance lives.
It is important to recognize that acceptance is not the same thing as agreement. We can fully disagree with something while accepting it at the same time. Acceptance means that we are no longer allowing ourselves to rally against what reality is.
Acceptance is embedded within the common saying “it is what it is.” Maybe you’ve found yourself saying this before. If so, you’ve already used acceptance to make sense of your experiences.
Acceptance can be a tool toward a new way of living.
This is possible by first acknowledging what is showing up and then responding with kindness. If what is bothering us is beyond our control, this is an opportunity to practice acceptance – even if we don’t agree with it.
Choose acceptance as a tool toward change.
Kristin Hunter is a social worker with the Minto-Mapleton Family Health Team. For more information about any of the free services offered by the Minto-Mapleton Family Health Team, visit mmfht.ca or call the Drayton/Palmerston office at 519-638-2110 or the Clifford office at 519-327-4777. Like the health team on Facebook (Minto-Mapleton Family Health Team) for healthy living tips and information on upcoming programs and events in the area.