The Carpenter is not okay. The Seattle Seahawks have traded star quarterback Russell Wilson to the Denver Broncos.
I knew it was a state of emergency when the Carpenter texted me mid-afternoon: “This is a sad, sad day.”
Then, he forwarded a photo of some guy named Drew Lock, explaining this was Wilson’s replacement.
A one-word text expressed in ALL CAPS summarized the Carpenter’s outrage. Oh my.
“If he starts one game with them, I’m done with the team,” he announced.
Just like that. Done.
Meanwhile, the Carpenter took to Twitter to express further outrage by asking if anyone would like his Russell Wilson caricature knee-high socks (I cannot make this stuff up). There were no takers.
No words could console my 12th Man (the nickname of Seahawks fans). But if anybody could try and fail masterfully, it’s me.
Perhaps it was the wrong time to do that thing I do where I try to be lighthearted but also helpful (while fully aware I am neither) by bravely suggesting the Broncos wear orange, and since that’s my favourite colour, we could get matching Wilson Bronco jerseys (What? It was just a suggestion).
The Carpenter wasn’t having it, stating he would “never-ever wear Bronco anything.” In fact, if Seattle didn’t find a better QB by the start of the season, he would be throwing out every single article of Seahawks branded clothing he owns.
All of it. Gone.
Um, you guys, that’s more than half my husband’s wardrobe. I’m serious. He only owns two hoodies, three t-shirts, one dress sweater and two pairs of jeans. Even his ugly Christmas sweater is a revolting lime green and navy-blue Seahawks nightmare. A lot of ball caps will be headless.
When I got home that evening, I found the Carpenter scrolling through sports media sites, hoping beyond all hope that this news was just speculation, that maybe he’d heard it wrong, read it wrong, misunderstood.
He hadn’t. He didn’t.
It was all true.
Despite trade rumours all season, Wilson promised he was a Seahawk forever. Coach Peter Carroll promised too. Forever. Lies.
The Carpenter’s disillusionment was palpable. He was adorable pouting in his Seahawks hoodie. All I could do was hug him.
Adding insult to injury, he woke up the next day to the news that Seahawk’s legendary linebacker Bobby Wagner had been released. Before I could even ask, I got the palm up signal to stop. Don’t talk about it.
Sunday’s news of Tom Brady’s retirement reversal added salt to the wounds. As the Carpenter said, “bad news comes in threes, just like Wilson’s jersey number.” By this point, he was laughing at his misfortune. What else could he do?
I realize there are bigger issues in the world right now. I know sports is big money and ego. And I know nobody should own Russell Wilson knee-high socks, much less wear them. Nobody.
Change is hard. Resistance is futile. Team loyalty runs deep. Next season will be fun.
The Carpenter will be okay.