It goes without saying that I have been a good girl.
I don’t mean to sound boastful, sir, but in fact, I have been a great girl. Let’s go with wonderful, bordering on sainthood. That’s not an exaggeration. Ask anyone.
As such, I am sure you will agree that I am more than deserving of my Christmas wish request. I know you are a busy fellow so I’ll keep it brief. This isn’t a wish for what I want. Honestly, sir, I have everything I want. I won’t bore you with my needs. You simply don’t have time (I do have an alphabetized list for your review though, just in case).
However, I believe it would be faster to simply tell you what I do not want for Christmas this year.
I do not want more debt. I have enough, thanks. Actually, I have more than enough.
I simply cannot buy into the concept that going further into debt for the sake of this holiday makes sense to anyone except the financial institution that effectively owns whatever I am going to buy any way, with interest.
I know I failed accounting in college, but my last name is Waterhouse and the rich guys who share my name (the ones I’m not actually related to and who won’t return my calls and filed that whole ridiculous restraining order against me), they know a lot about this debt business.
A Waterhouse should be smart with their debt. I am on the wrong side of the balance sheet. Therefore Santa, I ask you to save me from myself this Christmas.
I figure I shouldn’t have to give someone a gift to let him or her know they matter to me, because chances are, if they don’t know that already it’s either because they’re too selfish to pay attention to the value of our friendship or, well, they actually don’t really matter to me.
Gift wrap that. Bam.
The truth is, if I could get out of this debt hole, I could return to being the fun Kelly that actually has time to play with my friends and family. The Carpenter could relax too. We could stop texting each other the bank balance followed by the words: “don’t take any money out.” Then maybe we could go out together, on dates.
Santa, we figured out where babies come from, so if I promise we will never do that again, could you please cut us some slack?
I am tired of the cycle that says work more to spend more because we always seem to need more, and somewhere in there, try and have fun. Oh, and save for retirement, ‘cause maybe one day you will. Ho, ho, ho. I’m not laughing, big guy.
Please know, Santa that I am aware that I am blessed and lucky to have all that I do, and you can bet your significant bottom that I will always work hard to make ends meet. I am hard-wired that way. I take nothing for granted. Nothing worth having comes easily except love, and I still like to believe that is free. I hope the people who love me back agree. I can’t get enough love really. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. No gift-wrap required. Bring that on.
Just help me say no to debt, Santa. Just say no.