Remember when Paul Simon sang about “50 ways to leave your lover,” but only named five and none of them were actually solid ways to leave your lover?
Slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. (If you don’t know this song, your parents have failed you). You’re singing it right now, aren’t you? Yeah, you are. Hop on the bus, Gus.
Inspired by Simon’s song, when I turned 51 in July I decided I’d try to write 50 ways (but not actually) I’ve gained wisdom since my 50th birthday, reflecting on how the past year has shaped me (or unshaped me, thank you gravity).
Ah, wisdom.
Stepping into mid-life is like crossing an invisible threshold. All of a sudden, I’m keenly aware that I’m no longer perceived to be as cool (read: relevant or sexy) as I once was (pretend I was once perceived that way). Nobody seems to notice that I’m actually way cooler (more relevant than ever, an actual goddess) than I ever was.
The best part? I don’t care. I’ll just stand in my own light and shine on. Don’t need to be coy, Roy, just get yourself free.
Life is very serious, but I’ve learned that if you take yourself seriously, you’re in serious trouble. That’s not to say you shouldn’t take things that are important seriously, just don’t get so wrapped up in responsibility that you actually buy the hype that your every move is somehow destined for greatness. It’s not. So, pay your bills because a good credit rating matters, but making everyone else happy doesn’t. Do one thing every day that’s just for you. Tell no one. Honour that.
Be kinder to yourself. The best and worst things in life are out of your control, so cut yourself some slack. Being hard on yourself is only hurting you and giving other people a chance to do the same. It’s your bar. Raise it when you want to achieve something. Lower it when you need to stop overachieving. Limbo underneath it when you want to feel alive.
Meditate. It clears your mind of all the unpleasant things your mouth might say later in the day. Consider it your daily gift to humanity. You’re welcome.
Read. Every day. Mix up the genres. It doesn’t have to be a literary masterpiece to stimulate your mind and expand your lexicon. Don’t apologize for making time to read. Housework will wait. Your house will be filthy, but you’ll use words like stimulate and lexicon in a sentence and feel intellectually superior. That’s something.
Accept that relationships change. Some things have expiry dates. You don’t eat food after it’s best before date, so why waste time on situations or relationships that have expired? Restock your fridge. Keep the jar of pickles, though. Everyone loves a good pickle.
Put your phone down. You’re from a generation where “be home when the street lights come on” was a household rule, and now you can’t walk two steps without a blue screen in your face. Smarten up.
Laugh and dance with your kids so that when they become adults, they laugh and dance with you, because that’s love.
Wisdom is cool, and so is Paul Simon.
Just drop off the key Lee, and get yourself free.
