Time passes

I am under the impression that time passes more quickly as one gets older.

It seems like only yesterday that about a million and a half friends dropped in to meet and greet me on the exact date of my 80th birthday.

Now that figure may be a little exaggerated, but I shook hands with relatives, friends and long-time readers (many of which were strangers to me) from 11:30am to well past 5pm. I’ve never appreciated so many pleasant smiles and jovial comments before.

Their smiles will not be forgotten, but matching names to faces will at times inevitably tumble asunder.

Now, with the latter year shrinking, while shuffling through my chuckle bucket, I came across a card sent to me, sporting an eight-year-old date. Within it folded neatly, was a well-written clipping by George Carlin, which, in plain and simple language echoes my thoughts on aging to a ‘T’. Verbatim, here it is.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never 36 and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That is the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life. You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You become 21. Yessss!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He turned; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now; you’re just a sour dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You become 21, you turn 30, then you’re pushing 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you reach 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You make it to 60. You didn’t think you would! So you become 21, turn 30, push 40, reach 50 and make it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you hit 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you hit Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you hit lunch; you turn 4:30; you reach bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into your 90s, you start going backwards; “I was just 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half.”

So there you have it, folks, my thoughts well expressed in a nutshell. But I have set my goal at 105, so you be sure and stick around to make sure that I do. I’ll be very disappointed if you don’t.

Take care, ‘cause we care.