Aided by the humour added periodically to my chuckle bucket, through idle hours and the magic of internet email, comes the following.
My philosophy of housecleaning has changed somewhat since I took over in the Little Lady’s absence.
I don’t do windows because …. I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don’t wax floors because … I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt, then I’ll feel terrible (plus they may sue me).
I don’t mind the dust bunnies because … they are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don’t disturb cobwebs because … I want every creature to have a home of its own.
I don’t Spring Clean because … I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.
I don’t pull weeds in the garden because … I don’t want to get in Mother Nature’s way, she is an excellent designer.
I don’t put things away because… I will not be able to find them if they are in their proper place.
I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because … I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don’t iron because … I choose to believe them when they say “permanent press.”
I don’t stress much on anything because … “A type” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty old man.
And remember … A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.
* * *
Now, just to get even, just once, with my crusty old editor, who thinks I should know how to spell, let me, let you, read this: This is weird, but interesting. Read it carefully.
Strange minds
Fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt bllveiee taht I cloud aulacity uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdring to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt. If you can raed tihs it jsut porevs taht tihs is not so!
  And my editor has been on my back for nothing all of these years.
Take care, ‘cause we care.

Barrie Hopkins