Seconds count. According to research, you will live longer if you and your significant other kiss for a count of six seconds each time you share a kiss with each other. Six seconds. Extended kiss, extended life. But like all things in life, it’s not just the act but the intention behind it that counts.
This research comes from relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, who are okay calling themselves relationship experts, which already makes me suspicious. I’ve been married for 25 years and I’m still no expert, but okay, sure.
Their thesis asserts that if you are intentionally kissing your partner with affection for a full six seconds (or more, for the keeners), you will not only increase your connection, but also release hormones like oxytocin while doing so. Studies show it strengthens relationships and fosters intimacy.
Well, I’m up for a challenge. Convincing my beloved, the Carpenter, was almost as fun as the six-second lip lock that ended in laughter, because we are two people who struggle to take things seriously, especially if it’s romantic or intimate.
True story. It’s why we work.
I explained the “science” behind this philosophy and also a profound desire to still be alive when the Toronto Maple Leafs win the cup, so therefore I needed to bolster my longevity. My self-prescribed prescription is as follows: hot lemon water every morning, stretching, morning walks and eating more greens. And adding six-second kisses several times daily.
Our romantic spark may be less bonfire than a single wooden match these days, but this man of mine was all in for the challenge. One, two, three, go. And hold.
Two seconds in, our adult daughter arrived to catch us in the act of an awkward prolonged smooch, giggling like idiots. She’s 25, so she’s cooler than us, obviously. Despite a lifetime of watching her parents be affectionate (because kids should know their parents love each other), she stopped in her tracks, disgusted yet again by our public display of affection.
“Gross,” she said, with an eye roll that could be felt county-wide.
Like any habit, it takes time to create and while I’ve had my lemon water every morning and eaten salad every day and increased the exercise (lying), my love and I have forgotten to count the duration of the kisses. It doesn’t matter. We haven’t stopped kissing.
Truth is, sometimes it’s a peck on the forehead, or the Carpenter will run into my office and kiss me quickly on the top of my head and I am so focused on work, I barely register it, but I feel it. My favourite is the “you survived another workday” kiss (long enough to kick up the oxytocin without the timer).
Turns out a six-second hug is good, but 20 seconds or longer stimulates the release of endorphins that can help to relieve pain, stress and create calm. It also releases serotonin and oxytocin, to bring about feelings of well-being and strengthen bonds.
According to my own research, hugs and kisses aren’t about increasing longevity. They are about intentionally enjoying the one who makes it matter.
I’m here for that. XO.
