It’s coming. That time of year again. Holiday time. For some of us, it is a time of excitement, joy and all things grand. For some, not so much. Having worked as a service provider in the field of mental health, I know that December is a time of struggle for many. One wonders why that is? A thread runs through many of the conversations I have had over the years. This menacing thread is that of expectations. Expectations we have of ourselves and others, as well as the expectations we believe others have of us.
Many things are “expected” during the holidays. We are expected to be social, to be with family, to have money and to buy gifts, to be in a cheerful mood, to dress up and go to parties. The list goes on. If for any reason we cannot meet these expectations, we feel defeated and often depressed. There is hope. Expectations are not fact. They are presumptions that we and others create. If the expectations you have framed for yourself are not realistic or helpful, then it is time to change.
For me this holiday season presents two new things. It is my first time living alone and it is the first time I am very strapped financially due to unexpected expenses. The thought of waking up alone for the first time on Christmas morning started to loom over me a few weeks ago. How depressing. Or is it? Typically, I love being alone. All of a sudden, I decided alone was a problem because of holiday expectations. I created this expectation and I can re-frame it to suit my needs. I will have a tree and decorate, because that is what I enjoy. I will wake up, drink hot cider and make myself a nice breakfast, because I am worth it. I will enjoy the winter view from a brand new window and perspective. I will celebrate me by taking care of myself.
I was also concerned about buying gifts. In previous years, I had the luxury of being able to spend and spoil my loved ones. This year, I cannot do that. I felt badly about that because people expect it and I don’t want to disappoint. Or so I thought. As it turns out, I had taken the liberty to decide on behalf of others what they wanted from me and I was wrong. The only thing my family wants from me, is me, just as I am, empty pockets and all. Go beyond the glitz and glitter and always remember, it’s the thought that counts.
Every holiday season each of us has the opportunity to challenge our distorted thinking and our self-sabotaging beliefs in favour of something helpful and meaningful. The holidays are only a pass/fail test if you decide to make it so. If a so-called tradition is causing you grief, script a new one that brings you joy. Have a happy holiday – your way!
This article was written by Angela Heeley, Mental Health Promotion and Education Coordinator for the Canadian Mental Health Association of Waterloo Wellington Dufferin. The “Open Mind” column is sponsored by community partners who are committed to raising awareness about mental health, reducing stigma and providing information about resources that can help. Contact aheeley@cmhawwd.ca. For local mental health resources and information, visit www.communitytorchlight.com or call 1-844-HERE247.
