Dont quote me

The transition from one year to another makes me nostalgic. I invite you to partake in a little walk down memory lane with me that I like to call, Things I Never Thought I’d Say in 2010:

– “You can’t treat me that way. I won’t stand for it. I don’t deserve it.” And I meant it. I had no idea the adrenaline that comes from standing up to a bully, even at the age of 40.

– “When are you going to grow up?” I regretted it instantly.

– “That Justin Bieber is kind of cute.” Let me be clear, I am not now nor have I ever been a “cougar.” I meant he was cute in a “I could baby sit him” kind of way, not like “Hey Justin, come here so I can comb your stupid bangs over.”

– “Please stop hurting yourself. I need you to live.” I meant that too. Mental illness is a cruel challenge, and sometimes there is nothing you can do but love someone through it. I have a new empathy for an illness that affects so many, yet continues to be least understood or respected. Compassion saves lives.

– “Stop having fun, I’m working here!” Working from home has its challenges.

– “Really, a B cup?” I almost kissed the girl in the bra store. I graduated a whole letter. Clearly she measured me wrong, but for a sweeping moment I felt full. Of hope, I mean.

– “Sex means girl or boy. It’s what you are. It’s not like ‘having sex,’ which is something real people don’t ever do until they’ve got university degrees, careers, a car and have turned 30.” What? Is there something wrong with that? It’s not totally misleading.

– “What goes with vodka?” I believe this question was asked shortly after the comment above.    

– “Please God, bring him home.” I now know the horror of waiting for the news of a missing person, even when you know the news isn’t going to be what you want to hear.  But it’s never too late to pray.

– “I love you so much, I can’t breathe.” In the darkest moments, profound love has the power to pull you through.

– “If you touch my potato chips again, I will torture you in your sleep.” That would be for the less profound moments.

– “Stop crying. You have to go to school. It’s not like hanging out with me all day is any fun. Look, even your Dad goes to work to avoid that.” Nobody said my parenting skills were exemplary.

– “I think my skinny jeans hit a speed bump.” They did. It’s called a muffin top. But we all know that is actually the best part of the muffin. Am I right?

– “We might get arrested, but my husband will post bail.” Said while planning a trip to Las Vegas. 

– “I’m going to be late. The hamster and cat are both missing and the turtle isn’t talking.” Detective work is just another talent on my Mommy job description.

– “Goodbye.” And I meant that too. Sometimes you just have to let go.

– “Oh Daddy, can we keep her?” Sucker. The Carpenter could not say no to a kitten.

– “Oh Daddy, can we have a water buffalo? Please!” The Carpenter did say no to that.

– “Since you built that hockey rink, you don’t kiss me good night.” Self-explanatory.

So long, 2010. Hello, 2011.  I have just one last thing to say: Happy New Year to you.


Kelly Waterhouse