Over the years, I have often appreciated the proverbial statement that “actions speak louder than words.”
Usually when people make this kind of statement, they are pointing out that words can be empty. The statement rings so true in a world where we hear people tell lies all the time, making promises they can’t keep, boasting about things they haven’t done, etc. The truth is that it is hard to believe a person unless there is action to go with it.
I wonder though if this proverbial statement is perhaps relied on a little too much. Sometimes I think that perhaps we apply it in situations that aren’t appropriate. For example, I know in point of fact that there are children that don’t like their parents, but they go to visit them regularly. Are the visits an expression of love and care? In some cases I would argue they are not. In fact the visits, the actions are in this case potentially are deceptive.
Some children only maintain contact out of obligation, or what they can get out of the relationship. So what kind of actions are those? Do the actions speak? Do they speak good or ill? We could easily interpret and just as easily misinterpret those actions.
This phrase that “actions speak louder than words” has started to rub me the wrong way. Consider the following scenario. Joe is standing in a lobby at a conference. Joe sees his friend Bob coming his way and hopes to talk to him. Bob has often told Joe how much he appreciates him. But today Bob walks right by. Joe is hurt that Bob didn’t even take the time to say hello. The next day when Joe is talking to another friend, the subject of Bob comes up and Joe tells his friend “well actions speak louder than words.” What Joe is suggesting is that Bob is all talk and no action. Bob shouldn’t tell people that he appreciates them if they aren’t going to treat them well.
The problem lies in the assumptions. We have no idea why Bob walked right by Joe without saying hello. But, we grab hold of this proverbial statement and we make assumptions. Too many of us, when we lack information, make assumptions to fill in the blanks. We interpret the actions of others to mean one thing or another, and yet we really have very little information to back up those assumptions.
Before Joe writes off his friend Bob, Joe has an obligation to ask Bob what happened and why he just walked right by. There could be literally hundreds of reasons why Bob walked right past Joe without saying anything.
So here is my thinking … next time before you interpret the actions of someone else, be sure to verify with that person what actually happened. Give the person an opportunity to explain their actions before you make assumptions. So much pain and confusion can be created when we make false/negative assumptions about others. The Bible actually says that genuine Christian love means we assume good in others and not bad.
Note the words in 1 Corinthians 13:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
(1 Corinthians 13:4–7)
So rather than judging Bob for walking past and thinking that his actions are empty and that he doesn’t care, biblical Christian love says that we assume he is walking right by because he is doing some kind of good to help others, or take care of some situation that we have no knowledge of. But in any case, when we talk to the person later, it should not be accusations, but questions so that we can educate ourselves.
If ever we try to interpret the actions of others – rather than doing it in a way that is critical and tears them down, let us interpret in a way that elevates them and lifts them up.