They say in life you will come across people who are put in your path to teach you something about yourself.
These characters, especially the difficult ones, show up with similar personality traits in different disguises. They present you with a challenge, and until you stand up and face that challenge head-on, they will keep showing up as lovers, friends, colleagues.
I don’t know if this is true, but it checks out.
Admittedly, I’m a slow learner, but this year I have submitted my final exam on the one lesson I no longer wish to repeat; the lesson that has shown up enough times that I have finally walked away from it knowing I’ve passed.
I have a large A+ written in red pen and circled for emphasis on the top of my life lesson exam now. Five decades in, I’ve nailed it. Graduated.
This is me, sliding my paper to the edge of my desk so you can copy my answer, in case you need to pass too. Here it is: when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
Ah, man, it feels good to write it out. It feels good to exhale that truth and know that I’ve actually put this into a practice that has changed the trajectory of my life going forward. Game changer. There’s knowing it, but then there’s living it, doing it, trusting my instincts and being validated by that decision.
But I learned this by not trusting my own instincts and being wrong most every time. I would see the red flag in others waving wildly in the wind, but I’d run straight for it like a bull in Spain rushing the bullfighter with all my might. Narcissists love me (oh boy, do they).
As I mark another glorious trip around the sun this week, I take time to reflect on all the changes that occurred since my last birthday.
It’s been quite a year (has it ever). I saw none of it coming. The number of times I leapt with no net astounds me. I didn’t think I was that brave. I underestimated myself. I won’t do that any more.
This column is my formal declaration that I will not go backwards to repeat this lesson. It’s a contract with myself. And believe me, I’ve learned the value of putting things in writing. Nobody’s word is their bond anymore, but the words you and I speak to ourselves, those are everything.
So, if someone has to tell you they are a good person when defending their actions, they aren’t a good person and their actions just proved that to you. If they tell you they don’t “do drama,” my dear, they are seeking the spotlight centre stage and waiting on you to pull up the curtain for their close-up. My advice? Exit stage left. Fast.
My hypothesis is simple: those people that cause you to need therapy are those who seriously need it themselves. They aren’t going to go, though. Protect your peace.
Be grateful to the people who show up for you, in whatever way they can.
It’s been an important year of growth, courage, compassion and self care. I’ve earned that A+. Decades. This took me decades. My nine-year-old self is smiling back at me. That’s everything.
Here’s to another trip around the sun.
