Reflections: Be kind to yourself

When I was growing up pride was seen as the most dangerous sin. It hid within every achievement and lurked behind every compliment. As a result, it was difficult to develop a healthy self image. 

It’s not that self debasement was encouraged. But feeling good about yourself was discouraged. 

Jesus was asked at one point to identify the greatest commandment. His response was simple: “love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. This is the greatest commandment. And the second is like it. Love your neighbour yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matt. 22:37-40).  

I understood the first statement clearly. Love God with everything you can; everything in you. But the second statement was a little confusing to me as a child. I thought loving yourself was a bad thing; something to be avoided. So why would Jesus tell us to treat our neighbour in a wrong way. With such an aversion to self love it was difficult to see how I should love my neighbour. 

Now I understand how self love and neighbour love are necessary companions. Loving yourself equips you to love others. Acknowledging your accomplishments makes it natural to acknowledge the accomplishments of others. 

Pride is thinking of yourself more highly than you ought (Ro. 12:3). It is thinking you are better than everyone else. It is loving yourself more than others. Jesus taught the necessary balance between a healthy self esteem and a robust regard for others. It is critical for healthy relationships. Love yourself. And love others just as much. Respect yourself. And respect others just as much. 

Summer is a time for relaxation and reflection. It is the time when many take their vacation. This can be an opportune time to quiet the mind and re-engage forgotten thoughts. 

Perhaps it can also be a time to strengthen your love for yourself so that you are better equipped to love others. 

Maybe past mistakes haunt you. Forgive yourself. Embrace God’s eagerness to forgive and allow it to wash away the paralyzing feelings of guilt. It is difficult to forgive others if you do not forgive yourself. 

Perhaps you have placed unrealistic expectations on yourself, plagued with fear of failure. Failure is not final; it is the process of improvement. Failure is an important step for correction and improvement. Be gentle on yourself. Giving yourself space for learning conditions you to be patient and gentle with others. 

Our world is becoming increasingly demanding and unforgiving. Use this summer to actively resist the negative behaviour of increasing polarization, where disagreement rapidly leads to disregard and distance. The first step to restore an inclusive and gentle society is to treat yourself as you would hope others would treat you. 

Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. 

Then you are ready to be gentle with others; to be kind to others; to love others.