Panelists recount turning points on road to recovery

Caution: this story contains details some readers may find upsetting. For support, call Here 24/7 at 1-844-437-3247. Due to sensitive content, panelists are referred to by first names only to protect their identity.

GUELPH – Sometimes it takes a wake-up call – an alarming prognosis, hearing your dad break down, or deciding to start a family – to fuel the next step in recovery. 

Other times, big life changes knock you off your feet. 

Eating disorders are serious but treatable mental illnesses affecting more than 1.7 million people in Canada, including about 1.4 million youth, according to the Canadian Mental Health Association Waterloo Wellington (CMHA WW).

The Grove Youth Wellness Hub officials have seen eating disorder-related concerns double over the past year.

The Waterloo-Wellington Eating Disorders Coalition (WWEDC) has held a Faces of Recovery panel annually for 22 years, during which panelists share stories over Zoom that highlight the ups and downs of recovery, and why it’s worth putting in the work.

The panel on Feb. 4 didn’t run as smoothly as usual this year: it was “Zoom-bombed” by hackers sharing inappropriate content, which led to some attendees missing out.

“Creating a safe and respectful space is central to our work, and we sincerely apologize,” WWEDC officials stated. “We are actively learning, reviewing and strengthening our security measures.”   

Despite the interruptions, four panelists presented and responded to questions. 

Leah

Since her late teens, Leah wanted to be a therapist, but wasn’t sure she’d ever get well enough to achieve that goal.

It was also in Leah’s teens that her eating disorder set in. After a year or so she realized she was struggling and started receiving treatment – something she hoped would mean the end of her disorder. 

But it was a long road, and  Leah learned recovery “really needed to come from me – I needed to want it.” 

One tipping point came  in Leah’s early 30s: she moved across Canada to live with her dad after a breakup. 

Symptoms were flaring. 

A doctor delivered a wake up call: “‘If you keep going like this, you are not going to see 34 or 35.’” The urgency of recovery was unavoidable.  

Another milestone was when Leah decided to have  a baby, though doctors had told her she’d likely never be able to. 

After making that decision, she knew: “I really had to make recovery work.”

Recovery isn’t easy, and the eating disorder hasn’t disappeared, but Leah learned to “turn the volume down on those eating disorder thoughts and … combat them when they do come up.”

Leah now has two sons and has “been able to stay healthy” since becoming a mom. 

And she has been working as a therapist for five years.   

Simone

Simone, who is using a pseudonym, said when their daughter started high school the academic and social demands increased her stress, and she began to withdraw and develop unusual eating habits, leading to exhaustion, anxiety and prolonged absences. 

It was “part of a broader picture of autistic burnout,” Simone said. 

By the time the eating disorder was diagnosed, her health was comprimised and she could hardly function, Simone said. 

The diagnosis was a turning point, as was being admitted to McMaster hospital: “ a great place for us to get her medically stable.” 

Simone said their daughter was relieved to be admitted, and once she got there, she began the “process of radically re-imagining her life.” 

As a parent Simone said they learned to stop asking “What did we do wrong?” because eating disorders aren’t anyone’s fault.

And their daughter said if anything had happened differently she wouldn’t be who she is – “and I like who I am.” 

They learned to connect with her in the darkness instead of analyzing the past or yearning for a “magical future on the other side,” Simone said.

“Rather than seeing her as a problem that needed fixing we saw her as a full and incredible human being … an expert in her own healing.” 

Simone and her family used “joy and silliness  to regulate her nervous system around meals.” 

Her daughter took time off school and spent time playing games, creating crafts, doing cold water plunges and going thrift shopping. 

They leaned on family and friends who composed songs and funny videos and gave surprise gifts and meal subscriptions.

“One family member sent me a poem, meditation or quote every day for over a year,” Simone said. 

Healthcare workers honoured their family wisdom and kept “shame and blame out of the picture,” they said.

Now, Simone’s daughter is doing well: she’s back in school, embracing a love of drama and has a girlfriend.

Maya 

Maya’s  eating disorder kicked off in university, in the midst of a breakup, a move and an unsuccessful job hunt. 

Food felt like the only thing she could control. 

After rapid weight loss, Maya’s racing heart made sleep challenging, she woke up dizzy and she felt tired and anxious all day. She was frequently angry and upset, and conversations exhausted her. Her skin paled and she started losing hair. 

And she “couldn’t stop thinking about food.” 

She’d grown up running half marathons and going to the gym, but this fell to the wayside. 

“I felt like I wasn’t even living any more – I was just surviving.” 

One day Maya woke up with a strange feeling in her gut. It kept getting worse, and she knew something serious was wrong.

“I could barely walk, my stomach hurt so much – it was so distended,” but doctors dismissed it as “just stress” or sent her home without answers. 

Eventually Maya was diagnosed with a “rare, potentially life threatening condition caused by severe weight loss.” 

She told her parents and her dad cried uncontrollably  – afraid she would die.

“Hearing Dad break down like that made a lot of things click at once and I understood the severity of what I was doing,” Maya said. 

That was followed by months of treatment, testing, specialized care and efforts to overcome mental barriers around eating. 

The diagnosis turned out to be wrong, but it showed Maya “losing all that weight in a short amount of time can be extremely damaging.”

Doctors said if she didn’t take recovery seriously she’d need to drop out of school and be admitted. That motivated Maya to focus on goals of earning a degree, having friends and eventually falling in love. 

Though gastrointestinal issues made eating painful, she made food non-negotiable and scheduled time for school, friends and her boyfriend so her life didn’t revolve around eating. 

Maya gained weight and it became easier to live with her gastrointestinal condition. Now, she’s feeling closer to people around her, has increased empathy and is applying to medical school. 

She wants others to understand possible complications of eating disorders. “If I had known … I would have done things differently,” she said. “It’s really not worth it, if it’s going to affect the rest of your life – but recovery is definitely worth it.” 

Violet 

Violet is a first year university student “slowly but steadily” figuring out her path. 

It took five years after beginning her journey with bulimia for Violet to seek help. 

“I was in denial that I was suffering,” Violet said: hiding from everyone around her with lies and baggy clothes until she became a mere shell of herself.  

Eventually, Violet “reluctantly accepted” the negative effects and “took the leap to get help.” 

She said “raw and honest conversations with loved ones were imperative,” as was transparency during treatment sessions, which was “extremely nerve-wracking but so rewarding.” 

Violet realized she was her own worst critic, and letting go of this was “vital to free me from the shackles [of] my disease.”

Her journey had “bumps and boulders,” but Violet is gradually gaining a clearer outlook and embracing happiness and hope.

She said she gained power by managing her anxiety while “accepting that I cannot puppeteer the complete trajectory of my future.”  

Violet came to realize she is worth “so much more” than her disease. 

“Being my unique self was the most petrifying thought – blending in became such an instinctive action.”

But “step by step, challenge by challenge I improved,” she said, and came to understand: “I am my greatest investment.’” 

Though she isn’t there yet, Violet said she will one day be “completely estranged” from her eating disorder.  

She participated in the panel to inspire others to care for themselves. 

“I dare you to take the reins and begin to break down those barriers,” Violet said. “What makes you special is your uniqueness – take advantage of these magical quirks that convey who you are as a person.” 

To connect with local eating disorder supports and services  visit eatingdisorderscoalition.ca for WWEDC, cmhaww.ca/services/eating-disorders/ for the CMHA WW’s eating disorders program or thegrovehubs.ca for eating disorder supports offered at The Grove Youth Wellness Hubs.