Local expert Graham Clayson details funeral planning basics

FERGUS – Graham Clayson didn’t imagine he’d grow up to become a funeral director.

But losing a childhood friend in his late teens, and another a few years later, shed light on the industry and left Clayson feeling he could make a positive impact. 

“Those deaths, and the experience their families had, both positive and negative, with funeral homes completely shifted what I was thinking in terms of what my future would hold,” he told the Advertiser. 

Clayson is about 10 years in to his career and currently works at Graham A. Giddy Funeral Home in Fergus.

“I really wanted to provide a sober yet empathetic source of comfort to families as they waded through some really tough decisions and tough circumstances,” he said. 

Communication is key to providing that care, he said, noting families are often in a “clouded state” as they begin to process and mourn a loved one’s death. 

“Trying to be as direct and clear and transparent as possible is always the goal,” he said. 

Funeral directors do a lot more than plan funerals, he noted, “From the uplifting of the deceased body from where they passed, to bringing them back into the care of the funeral home, and from there moving that loved one to where they need to be, whether that’s a crematorium or cemetery, and everything in between.”

They support families with a range of paperwork, he said, including registering a death with the province and gathering vital information,  as well as government notifications, cancellations and submitting benefit applications.

“In this day and age not everybody has the means to just pay for a death when it occurs, so what we do in every aspect is lighten the load,” Clayson said.

“There are a lot of funeral benefits out there that people just don’t know about – part of our goal is to help apply for everything under the sun in order to hopefully help get this family some kind of financial assistance.” 

He recommends anyone in need of financial assistance communicate that to funeral directors as early as possible.

“We are not here to judge your financial situation – our goal is to support your family to the best of our ability and alleviate as much burden as we can,” he said.

There’s a lot Clayson wishes more people knew about funeral planning, an industry he said is “clouded in mystery. It’s not something that people really spend a lot of time on purpose thinking about.”

He encourages families to have hard conversations ahead of time about decisions they’ll need to make, as this leads to “a lot less friction and pressure after a death occurs.” 

Having a solid plan, and clearly communicating that plan with loved ones, is “incredibly helpful,” he said. That includes estate and legacy planning as well as funeral arrangements, he noted. 

“If people can have that awkward conversation before a death occurs it will definitely alleviate that pressure when it comes to making those tough decisions when the time comes.” 

Clayson said “most of the time people want to do their very best to make things easier for their kids or loved ones [and] make the burden after the death as light as possible.” 

He recommends asking questions such as whether burial, cremation or aquamation is preferred, whether they’d like a private or public service, if there are specific clergy they’d like to include, and to which charities to direct donations.

Clayson said planning a funeral, ahead of time or following a death, can be as simple or complex as those involved wish.

“Gone are the days of a one-size-fits-all approach,” he said. “As the industry develops, all of these unique things can be tailored to a family’s needs.”  

He said many people don’t realize the level of flexibility available – something he makes sure to convey to families.

“Services can be as unique as the individuals,” he said, ranging from formal, faith-based services following various religious and cultural traditions, to informal, human-centred celebrations. 

“We’ve got the opportunity to serve a lot of different faiths, particularly in our growing community,” Clayson said. “To me, that is a joy. It’s very exciting to see so many different walks of life enter our doors and for us to be able to learn a lot about different cultures and different faiths or perspectives.”

He added, “We will do anything in our power to make the best of the situation and make the wish come true if it’s in our ability to do so.” 

For example, after a cremation, the funeral home can use technology to create a range of keepsakes, including cremation jewelry and hand-blown glass. 

Families can opt to have a loved one’s fingerprints taken as keepsakes, and customized into jewelry or taken home.   

Some people contact the funeral home to put plans in place for their own funerals.

They sit down with staff, either at the funeral home in Fergus or at the client’s home, “gather some of the necessary information required ahead of time that we would take to government offices and then discuss what is that individual’s desire for what happens after they pass away.” 

Sometimes this involved detailed, pre-planned and pre-paid arrangements and other times it’s just to provide a basic road map.

Clayson said not everyone realizes they don’t need to pay in advance to make plans with the funeral home, and he wonders if people hesitate to call.

“If they don’t pre-pay we keep that information on file,” Clayson said, and if payment is made up front the price is guaranteed, safeguarding from inflation.