FERGUS – Excerpts From My Journal by Fergus author Sarai Nichole, or as her friends know her, Sarai Tocher, has become an Amazon number-one best seller.
What began as therapeutic journaling has blossomed into a promising literary career.
“I kind of just started as a way to get out a lot of the thoughts that I was having that felt maybe too deep, too personal, to explain to others,” said Tocher.
The idea to compile a poetry collection came to fruition last October while Tocher was visiting her best friend in Ottawa.
“I was writing one day when she was at work and she came home and I was kind of proud of what I had written that day so I was kind of just like, ‘Do you want to take a look at it?’ And she said, ‘Of course,’” said Tocher.
“After reading it she was like, ‘this is really good … this reads like poetry.’”
Tocher’s friend urged her to take up writing, saying she was “very well spoken.”
Despite her initial hesitancy, Tocher decided to take the leap.
“I never really considered myself … a poet,” said Tocher. “I was like, you know, who would want to read it?”
She began by taking parts from her journal that read like poetry but weren’t too direct.
“I wrote it more so in a sense that was open to interpretations, so that individuals would be able to find a sense of themselves or what they might have been looking for within that piece to relate to,” she said.
“And after that I just started getting daily inspiration, whether that was through songs, whether that was through media or reminiscing.”
Tocher began writing three poems per day before moving on to five and then seven.
“I was spending a lot of my nights just in my own personal space,” she said.
“Every page is something kind of different; there’s a different theme each page.
“Sometimes some poems read like internal thoughts, other times it might read like dialogue or monologue, conversations, confessions, memories, grief that turned into poetry, the loss of friendship, the loss of love or heartbreak.”
Tocher has battled anxiety and depression since she was a teenager and said the book is “something teenage me would have needed.”
“When I would have a panic attack or I would have what I call a ‘depressive episode,’ I was the first person who would listen to sad music, watch a sad movie, read sad quotes …
“From an outsider’s perspective, it might have looked as though I was kind of worsening that, but from my perspective it was more so like I just needed to know I wasn’t alone,” said Tocher.
“I feel like when we do go through anxious moments or even moments like depressive episodes, the number one thing … is that you often feel like nobody will understand what you’re going through.”
Since publishing the book in July, Tocher said the feedback she’s received has been “overwhelming and unconditional love.”
“It was almost like experiencing imposter syndrome,” said Tocher. “As soon as the book was released it became an Amazon number-one best seller within 24 hours.”
The success did not come without sacrifice, as many of the poems in the book expose the most vulnerable parts of Tocher.
“When I originally started seeing people buying copies and posting about it, it was a bittersweet feeling,” she said. “One side of me was like, ‘Wow, I’m so grateful to have come this far,’ and the other part of me was like, ‘Wait, you are holding on to some of the most vulnerable moments of my life.’”
Yet Tocher says she is more than glad she did it. She has even hinted at a second edition being in the works.
Tocher also offered up some advice for aspiring authors: “Find somebody who believes in you, listen to them. If you don’t have anybody who believes in you, believe in yourself.”
“If you don’t share your words, if you don’t share your story, nobody will ever hear it. All it takes is one person to read something that you’ve written and to go, ‘That’s it. That’s exactly how I feel.’”
Excerpts From My Journal is available on Amazon and Indigo.
