‘Enforced through guilt’

Dear Editor:

I would like to offer a perspective on tipping culture that many people discuss privately but hesitate to express publicly.

Tipping was once understood as a voluntary gesture – a way to recognize exceptional service. Increasingly, however, it feels less like appreciation and more like obligation. Prompts requesting 20 to 25 per cent now appear at coffee counters, takeout establishments and even self-serve kiosks. What was once reserved for attentive table service has expanded into nearly every transaction.

During a recent cruise, we were automatically charged $20 USD per person per day in gratuities. In addition, we purchased a beverage package that included service charges. Yet additional tipping was still expected in specialty restaurants and at bars. This layering of charges raises a reasonable question: at what point does gratitude become duplication?

I also observed service seemingly influenced by visible tipping. A guest I spoke with declined to pay the daily gratuity and instead tipped a small amount per drink. The bartender, unaware of her refusal of the automatic charges, appeared to prioritize her service. Meanwhile, those who had already paid substantial daily gratuities waited longer. This creates the perception that visibility of tips outweighs fairness.

Let me be clear: service workers deserve fair compensation. They work hard, often under demanding conditions. However, should the responsibility of ensuring a living wage fall primarily on customers? Fair pay should be a matter between employers and employees, not a source of social pressure placed on patrons.

In my own profession caring for vulnerable and ill individuals, I often went beyond my duties without expectation of additional compensation. I was paid to perform a job, and I did so with dedication and pride. Many professions operate this way.

When public messaging suggests that those unwilling to tip 25% should simply “not dine out,” the spirit of hospitality is diminished. Gratitude should be earned through quality service, not dictated by expectation or enforced through guilt.

I share this perspective respectfully, recognizing that others may disagree. 

My intention is not to criticize individuals, but to encourage thoughtful discussion about a system that many find increasingly uncomfortable.

Margherita Tabone,
Rockwood