Today's date: Friday March 22, 2019
column width padding column width padding

The Wellington Advertiser Masthead Logo

We Cover The County...
40,052 Audited Circulation

WEEKLY POLL   |   Community News   |   EQUINE   |   Schools & Buses

Wellington Weddings 2019
Business Leader Banner
column width padding column width padding


by Ray Wiseman

Often we mirror our parents

I grew up in a town served by one protestant church and one catholic church. We all attended the same school, played on the same teams and drew friends from both sides of the religious divide. Typically, we never asked newcomers which church held their allegiance. We knew our parents didn’t agree on faith issues, but that never influenced our friendships.

 The protestant minister and the catholic priest treated each other with respect. Everyone admired the Sisters of St. Joseph, who ran the local hospital. So when you grow up in a community like that, shock sets in on discovery that not all neighbourhoods think or act in the same way. When I came to Ontario, I noticed a change in the religious environment. Even though still a youngster, I detected less tolerance.

I count myself fortunate to have grown up amid religious tolerance. The way our parents and society socialize or condition us determines the pattern for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, that works for negative as well as positive things; for tolerance or intolerance; or for good or evil.

I admit I had influences in both directions. My parents, like most, had imperfections.

When mother found herself with three children and no income, she took life by the horns and with sheer physical and emotional power wrestled most problems to the ground. When that didn’t work, she learned to manipulate the system to protect and provide for her offspring.

Being a bit of a coward, I learned more about manipulating than meeting issues head on. Somewhere in mid life my manipulating trapped me in a difficult and embarrassing situation.  Finding myself looking into a virtual life mirror and not liking what I saw meant I had to work hard to change the approach my mother and circumstances had unintentionally bred into me.

Not surprisingly, my youngest son early developed great talents as a manipulator. Fortunately, he figured it out and redirected his energies to become an excellent negotiator.

We all become what parents, circumstances and experiences make us, but sometimes we can change paths along the way.

The physical and sexual abuse of children has become a big issue in the media in recent years. It has always existed as a serious problem, but only recently have we, as a society, recognized it and chosen to deal with it. In case after case, court documents and scientific studies have indicated that men and women who abuse children, themselves suffered from abuse while young. The horrors that people inflicted on them, they in turn imposed on the next generation.

How often do we see parents, deeply hurt by separation or divorce, deliberately or unconsciously, using their children to get even with their ex-mate?

Or sometimes they use them simply to vent their frustrations. Either way, they have launched the child toward failure in later life. And so we reach the obvious conclusion: a negative experience in a child’s life duplicates itself in the following generations because persons injured by people or experience, in turn injure others. More simply put: hurt people hurt other people.

We are fortunate indeed if we can separate life’s positive experiences from the negative and live a life free from hurting others. And even more fortunate if we can identify children in bad situations and offer constructive help. 



Vol 43 Issue 33


Tell Us What You Think

Login to submit a comment

Comments appearing on this website are the opinion of the comment writer and do not represent the opinion of the Wellington Advertiser. Comments that attack other individuals or are offensive, unsubstantiated or otherwise inappropriate will be removed. You must register or log in in order to post a comment. For more information, read our detailed Comment Policy and Guidelines.


April 11 2014 | 14:03
Kelly, I would like to commend you (rather tardily)on your column this year about depression when you referred to your own experience. Mood challenges like depression and anxiety run in many families just like other health issues such as heart disease. Thank you for having the courage to discuss your own depression. A column like that gives others courage to get help for a condition that can often be greatly relieved. Maureen Lewis MSW RSW

Lions Home Show


Community Guide Spring 2019


Barrie Hopkins
Barrie Hopkins
Barrie Hopkins
Barrie Hopkins
Bruce Whitestone
Ray Wiseman
Ray Wiseman
Ray Wiseman
Stephen Thorning
Stephen Thorning

Recent Columns

Bits and Pieces

  • Signature bonnet
  • Digital pantomime
  • Connect the dots
  • Generation gap
  • Little things
  • Tylenol kick
  • This Little Piggy
  • Nature's best
  • Business Matters

  • Community involvement
  • That’s a wrap
  • Stepping up
  • The dream
  • Stand out
  • Find adventure
  • Alternative donations
  • Into the fray
  • Canada's Business

  • The decline of civility
  • Irrational exuberance II
  • Speak up
  • An enduring register
  • A government assessment after one year in office
  • Gauge signals
  • Unpatriotic
  • Inevitable
  • Comment from Ottawa

  • The Syria question
  • Reflecting on 2016
  • Open, transparent combat mission?
  • Bad for businesses
  • Have your voice heard on electoral reform
  • Open and transparent?
  • Assisted dying
  • Leadership bid
  • Life-wise

  • Retirement
  • Canadas scarcity of calamity
  • Often we mirror our parents
  • Putting up with put-downs
  • A tale of two landlords
  • A letter from the campsite
  • Two shades of black
  • Precious memories
  • Open Mind

  • Home - at last!
  • Queen's Park Report

  • Back to work
  • Merry Christmas
  • Remembering them
  • High-cost hydro
  • Six important issues
  • Emancipation Day
  • Great Lakes
  • Happy Canada Day
  • Special to the Advertiser

  • Death of JFK changed the world
  • Split Decision

  • Councillors voting themselves raises
  • The most interesting election races
  • Ketchup conundrum
  • Eliminating burial plots to save trees
  • Organic waste pick up in Wellington
  • Uploading Hwy. 6 Connecting Link
  • Political campaign texts
  • Cannabis legalization coming Oct. 17
  • Staying Connected

  • It’s all about staying connected.
  • Stray Casts

  • Final lines: Its been great
  • Thorning Revisited

  • Hikers, cyclists enjoy view from 1909 railway bridge
  • General Sherman visited Elora, Fergus soldiers in 1866
  • Elora Rifles called to fight invasion that never happened
  • Home guard formed in Fergus to defend against rebellion
  • Provincial judge had no sympathy for Fred Sturdy
  • New wrinkles emerged in bizarre 1877 abduction case
  • Strange abduction case caused excitement in 1877
  • Elora’s first bank run by extraordinary citizen
  • Valuing Our History

  • Library, post office replaced Elora’s cattle market
  • Few details survive about Glenlamond saw mill
  • Will of Rev. William Barrie disputed by sister
  • Connon became full-time photographer after trip to Europe
  • Hustonville founded, thrived, vanished in 20 years
  • Lack of railway siding frustrated Fergus’ James Gow
  • Fergus mill made oat flour for Cheerios, other brands
  • Railway passenger service waxed and waned over the 1900s
  • WriteOut of Her Mind

  • Guy time
  • Discombobulated
  • Gala
  • Snow daze
  • Windshield
  • Like vs. love
  • Love, laugh, heal
  • Hungry Heart
  • column width padding column width padding column width padding

    The Wellington Advertiser





    Digital Publications


    Twitter Logo

    Free Press News Network Logo